


Shadow Flowers

by Yrindor



Series: Of Cherry Blossoms and Shadows [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-03-06 23:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3151733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yrindor/pseuds/Yrindor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Byakuya struggles to deal with Hisana's death on top of all the other expectations placed on him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shadow Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> While this story focuses on thoughts of cutting, it does not contain any actual instances of self-harm.
> 
> Bleach and all associated characters are property of Tite Kubo.

It was approaching midnight by the time Kuchiki Byakuya finally returned to his rooms. At some point in the evening, servants had entered to lay out his futon, but had left the lamps unlit, unsure of when he would return. Exhausted after a long and painful day, Byakuya did not bother lighting them. He had spent the day, and much of the night, navigating the pitfalls of noble politics with powerful members of multiple families. At first, he was grateful for the quiet of his rooms, but soon the silence started to close in around him. While he was no stranger to the quiet of late night, he was accustomed to hearing the silence broken by the quiet sounds of another’s breathing, but that was no more. His wife, Hisana, had died two days earlier, and he was now alone in the silent, empty room.

With that realization, everything he had pushed aside out of necessity during the day came rushing back. His wife was dead. The Kuchiki elders were still upset he had married a commoner like her in the first place, and honoring Hisana’s dying wish would mean crossing them again. He was about to take over command of the Sixth Division, and many felt he could never achieve what Ginrei had. Waves of grief, of anger, of guilt, and sorrow, and fear hit in a flood that threatened to overwhelm him.

But he could not break. He was the twenty-eighth head of the Kuchiki family and the soon-to-be captain of the Sixth Division of the Gotei 13. Both prided themselves on their strict control. As the sole heir to the Kuchiki name, it fell to Byakuya to take over both positions and continue that proud tradition. Family honor. It was the only thing holding him together at this point, but even that threatened to crumble under the emotional onslaught. Usually, it was enough to ground him, but not tonight. Desperate, he reached down to touch the hilt of his zanpakutō, “ _Chire, Senbonzakura_ ,” he hissed.

Senbonzakura understood Byakuya’s intentions immediately. It never spoke to him as some zanpakutō did to their masters, but even without words, its disapproval was clear. After a day of family politics and diplomacy, Byakuya’s patience had worn thin, and he snapped at his sword, _“I trust you with my life in battle as you trust me to wield you well, but never forget this, Senbonzakura. We are not equals, and I accept insubordination from no one.”_ After a second’s hesitation, Senbonzakura submitted. It would never approve, but it would never again try to disobey.

Byakuya pushed back his many sleeves to reveal the pale skin of his forearm, then drew forth a single shard of Senbonzakura. In the dim moonlight that managed to penetrate the clouds, the shard glowed faint and ghostlike, a shadow of its usual form.

He had thought about this before, but never acted on it as he did now. It would be so easy to draw Senbonzakura across his skin and let the pain ground him, but now that he had the blade in his hand, he paused. One quick motion would quiet the demons, but would be an admission he lacked the strength to maintain his self-control on his own. To give in to the urge would mark him as one who had failed. The need to quell the emotions raging in his head warred with the need to prove he could defeat them on his own.

He stayed as he was, holding the shard of Senbonzakura just above his forearm for many long hours, watching as the moon occasionally slipped out from behind the clouds to cast its light on the plum tree outside the window. The tree that had a single blossom two days prior was now in full bloom, a harsh reminder that Hisana’s death and his grief meant little to the overall flow of the world. Even now, the night passed as it always did, its stillness a sharp contrast to the battle raging within him.

Finally, the sun began to rise, painting the sky a brilliant pink that matched the now-shining shard of Senbonzakura and drove away the last phantoms of the night. Sighing, Byakuya resealed his sword and rose slowly, stretching out muscles that had not moved all night before beginning to prepare for another day. He had won the battle with his demons this time, but there were still many nights ahead of him, and he was not sure how long his strength would last.


End file.
